


My Hands, Your Bones

by sophiamggwelsh



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Implied Sexual Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 17:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7943443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophiamggwelsh/pseuds/sophiamggwelsh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Of all the rebel Gems that could have been left to confront Jasper, why did it have to be <i>her</i>?"</p><p>Canon Divergence AU- Takes place during Jail Break.  Pearl and Jasper had a complicated relationship before she joined the rebellion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Hands, Your Bones

“We can’t leave yet! The whole point of coming here was to check on the Cluster!”

Peridot hadn’t stopped following Jasper around the ship and going on about the Cluster since they had departed from Earth. Jasper needed Peridot to stop talking. She needed silence. She needed time to think about their latest development. 

Jasper spun around on Peridot and growled, “Rose Quartz takes priority. Get back to the bridge and set a course for Homeworld.” Jasper didn’t wait for her response before turning and stalking away from her. 

Rose Quartz should have taken priority. She was the leader of the rebellion for Earth, the one who ruined Jasper’s colony, who took her home away. But since Jasper had stepped onto that Earth beach just some hours earlier, she could feel her mind tunnel vision on something else. Someone else.

Of all the rebel Gems that could have been left to confront Jasper, why did it have to be _her_? 

Pearl.

But hadn’t she know this was a possibility when she volunteered herself to escort Peridot back to Earth? Hadn’t there been a part of her that had wondered, dreaded, (hoped), that when Peridot had reported that she had been confronted with other Gems calling themselves the Crystal Gems, there was a chance that Pearl would be one of them?

The rebellion had ended thousands of years ago, and the records showed that all Gem life had been wiped out on Earth. When Homeworld had first declared that, Jasper thought that she should have felt glad that Pearl had died on Earth. Serves her right after what she had done to her. Jasper had felt a lot of things about Pearl’s “death,” but joy had never been one of them. All of the things she did feel, confused, angry, and even sad, also made her feel weak, so she had boxed everything she felt and thought about Pearl and shoved it into the back of her mind. 

But everything she felt about Pearl, everything she thought, about what Pearl did, about who she had been to Jasper, flooded her brain the moment she saw her on the beach. 

In the beginning, Pearl had merely been a distraction. Meaningless sex with a pretty Gem that served as a distraction for both of them, from Pearl and her servitude, from Jasper and the stress of the war for Earth. Pearl had been relief, temporary relief of her soldier duties. Their affair went on. Alone in Jasper’s private quarters, Pearl became a comfort, soft words and hands to hold her after a particularly brutal battle. Pearl was her companion, her confidant, who listened to the stress that Jasper would never reveal to any of her fellow soldiers, with open ears and open arms. Pearl was the face Jasper looked forward to everyday. And Jasper had never admitted it, not even to herself, until Pearl was gone, that Pearl had become her hope, her dream. Jasper was created for the sole purpose to fight in this war. She knew that, had taken great pride in being a soldier. But being with Pearl made her feel like maybe there was more to Homeworld than war and destruction and fighting every day for your life. Pearl had proven that Jasper could perhaps have beautiful things in her life. 

Until she found out the truth. Until Pearl escaped the Earth base to join the rebellion. Pearl never had any interest in Jasper. She had seduced her, made Jasper trust her, into confiding just enough information about the rebels for her to figure out where they were and what the easiest way to get to them was. 

Their affair had gone on for 281 Earth rotations. And all of it had been for information. Jasper should have seen it. The war had been raging for almost 100 years at this point, and Rose Quartz was calling for all gems who wished to reject Homeworld to join her side. So any specific information about the Earth rebels were kept confidential to everyone except the most elite gems and the soldiers to prevent more gems from joining the rebellion. Even servants of elites, like General Onyx’s Pearl, weren’t allowed to hear this information. When Pearl could see that she was never going to get information from her owner, she must have chosen the next best thing. Her owner’s most trusted soldier.

Lost in her thoughts, Jasper stopped to see where here feet had led her. To Pearl’s hallway. Through the yellow screen, she could see Pearl was sitting with her back facing Jasper. Jasper didn’t think. She didn’t know what she was going to do or say but she couldn’t walk away. She stomped closer to Pearl’s cell until she was only a couple feet away. She wanted to see Pearl’s face, to see her whip her head around with a look of shock or fear. But Pearl didn’t turn. The only indication that she heard Jasper approaching was the way her shoulders had tensed. 

Pearl’s back to her like this had sparked a distinct memory to the front of Jasper’s mind, and she hated herself for it. It was one of their last days together. Jasper had been laying on her back on her bed, body and mind satisfied, and Pearl had sat up with her back to Jasper. Her back was bare, and Jasper had reached one large hand up to run her fingers along Pearl’s shoulder blades, down her spine. She was amazed that something so beautiful and soft could have been created by Homeworld. 

Looking at those delicate shoulders now, Jasper wondered if they were still soft, or if Earth had hardened her too. 

At some point, Jasper had thought about what she would say to Pearl if they ever saw each other again. But now her mind went blank. All she saw her anger, her frustration, and to her own shame, her want when she looked at Pearl. She wanted Pearl to feel hurt too.

“Did you really think your pathetic group of rejects could hide from Homeworld forever?”

Silence. 

Jasper went on, not knowing what point she was trying to make. “It doesn’t matter anyways. Homeworld has only become stricter since the rebellion. You and Rose Quartz and the rest of you failures will get what you deserve.” 

More silence.

She wasn’t planning on bringing up Pearl’s betrayal, wasn’t going to let her know that it still affected her, but she couldn’t stand how Pearl just seemed unaffected by everything.

“Don’t you feel guilty? For what you did? For using me?” Jasper growled, pushing in all her anger to cover any hurt.

That got a reaction. Pearl’s shoulders tensed up even more, and Jasper could see her dig her fingers into her own arms. Yet she still wouldn’t look at her or say anything. 

“ _Look at me dammit or I’ll have you shattered!_ ” 

No matter how much she hated Pearl in this moment, she knew she was bluffing. She could never have her shattered. But her words had the desired effect. Pearl stood and turned to face Jasper finally.

Her face was defiant in a way Jasper knew now that Pearl must have always had in her, but never dared use when she was still a Homeworld gem. But there was something else. Her eyes looked glazed, as if on the verge of tears. Jasper didn’t expect this, or the effect her teary eyes would have on her. She was momentarily stunned silent, but Pearl broke it.

“Guilty? No. I don’t feel guilty. I didn’t force you to give me anything. And besides, you got what you wanted too. You got what you wanted many times over.” Pearl sneered.

Jasper’s confusion must have shown on her face because Pearl went on. “I’m not stupid. I saw the way you used to….used to _ogle_ me during war conferences. Saw the way your eyes would follow me around the room when you thought the General wasn’t looking. Predatory. You wanted to lay with your general’s pearl and you did. You wanted my body and I gave it to you. You got what you wanted and obviously you were never penalized for it or else you wouldn’t still be an elite.”

Pearl was right. Their affair had been secret, so when she escaped to the rebellion, it never came back to Jasper. No one held her responsible therefor she was never punished for giving away information. The only person who punished Jasper was herself. 

“So yes, I used you, but you used me too. And what did you lose? Your favorite plaything? Or were you just angry that- what did you call me?- a ‘fancy decoration’ had pulled one over you?”

Jasper remembered calling Pearl that, on more than one occasion and other similar terms. But at the time, it didn’t seem like an insult. To her, it was the fact of their existence. Jaspers were soldiers. Pearls were decorative servants. That was the way things were. She thought Pearl thought the same way. Now Jasper wondered if it was some of her own words that had pushed Pearl over the edge to leave Homeworld. 

Pearl was still giving her that defiant look, but seemed to have said what she wanted to say. Jasper never knew what she had wanted to say, or what she had wanted Pearl to say. All she knew is that being around her made her throat close up and her feelings made her go stupid. “You’re disgusting.” She growled, and turned to march away. It wasn’t much of a comeback, but she needed to have the last word, at least in this conversation, and she needed to be away from Pearl so she could work on boxing everything she felt away again.

____

Pearl watched Jasper’s back as she walked down the hall and out of sight. She was reminded suddenly of what it was like to hold Jasper, to wrap her arms around those broad shoulders and squeeze, dig her nails into those muscles as Jasper leaned over to kiss her. She hated herself for thinking about it. 

As soon as Jasper was out of sight, Pearl crumbled. She put her head between her knees and cried, harder and longer than she could remember. Her guilt was always there, but actually seeing Jasper, made her guilt swarm back into her whole body. She had always consoled herself that Jasper never cared about her, at least not outside of their physical relationship, so her betrayal wouldn’t be as deep. The only person whose heart grew into this affair was Pearl’s. She didn’t mean to care for a gem who would only ever see her as a servant, but she did. There was no happy ending for that type of relationship. So she left anyways, having left a piece of her heart with this brutish soldier and replaced it with her guilt. 

But Jasper had brought it up. After thousands of years, why would she bring it up if she didn’t care? Tears came harder.

Of all the Homeworld gems who could’ve come to Earth, why did it have to be _her_?

**Author's Note:**

> Woah that made me sad to write, I much prefer happy, fluffy Jaspearl!
> 
> After this, the battle with Garnet still happens and the story goes back to canon, mostly.
> 
> Also, I know almost 10 months seems like a long time to have an affair, but since gems see time so differently and the war went on for 1000 years, less than a year is probably nothing to them.
> 
> I did a lot of thinking about this AU and how I wanted to write it. I decided to write it backwards, to give you the sad ending first and then give chapters of snapshots of their relationship before it fell apart. So that's what I plan on doing for sure. I don't know if there is a happy ending for these two in this AU, but maybe I'll write chapters that take place after this happens as well. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Talk to me at [my tumblr!](http://the-panda-palace.tumblr.com/)


End file.
